Big Art right up to the final moment...

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming:

"WOOHOO what a ride!"


OK, so I've pinched the quote - saw it on another blog, checked Google to see whether I could find the source, got 8,820 hits and gave up! I like the sentiment, though, so I'm going to revise my funeral plans. And to duck charges of plagiarism I'll swap the martini for a bottle of Swedish Punsch ...

TASK: Happiness

In the cold twilight of another passing year, before we bask in the glow of the coming new one – in the dizzying whirlwind of good intentions, resolutions, should-have-dones and wishes, I ask you to ponder this question: What is happiness to you?

I ask because I dread the question and the topic, which, inevitably comes every time I see my mother-in-law. Although I’m expecting it – from the unending drive to see her, to the minute we’re through the door – she never fails to catch me off-guard. When I’ve relaxed, perhaps smiling, for a split second and forgotten that it’s coming. Then, with witchcraft-like cunning, she pounces on me when I’m alone for a brief moment. She pins me with her dark eyes and coos . . . “Are you happy, love?”

Happy? Yes! Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? Isn’t everyone? By the way, what is happiness?

In trying to understand the startling, jarring, almost inhuman nature of the question, I’ve tried to think about the elusive and varied meaning of happiness.

To me, happiness has always been something invisible: My mother’s soft touch on my forehead as I dosed in bed when I was a child. The first, tentative tickle of cinnamon-and-pine-scented realisation that it’s Christmas morning. The smile from a boy you fancy. A sparkly ring on that finger. My baby in my arms for the first overwhelming, life-defining moment.

But happiness, to me, is also more than just the sum total of those breath-catching moments. It’s also the sight of my sleeping child every night. My husband’s silent presence next to me every day. My mother at the other end of the phone every week. And, somewhere along the line, for me and I think for most people, those moments blend into one great Connect-the-Dots picture of our life. Is it a happy one? For most people, I hope, the answer is yes.

For my mother-in-law, unfortunately, I fear the answer would be no. Because of the invisibility of happiness, I think, some people end up chasing it their whole lives, like a mist-veiled holy grail. Never realising, the grail is right in front of them, if only they’d pick it up and drink.

Dreaming in Technicolor

The waiting rooms in life have always been the hardest for me. As Dr. Seuss aptly said: "The Waiting Place . . . for people just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake:) or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting."

And, as I wait for Uncle Jake, a precious little dream-fairy brought me an enchanted gift last night . . . a lovely dream that Mr. Daniel Craig decided to come to my birthday party. Never mind that the illusion vanished with the first crystals of morning. Never mind that it was a ridiculous, unimaginable scenario. It was a spontaneous, delightful moment in a time of anxiety, uncertainty and seemingly interminable waiting.

Yes, I do believe in magic.

Dreams

Like most of us, my daily life often lacks enchantment, and usually when I need it the most! But one part of my life can always exceed my expectations, and that is while I am dreaming. My imagination runs wild, unbounded by the inhibitions and self-limitations that I usually carry around with me.

For example, a week or two ago I was lucky enough to experience a lucid dream. It happens from time to time, though not nearly often enough for my liking! In this particular dream I was visiting a train station - slightly Harry Potteresque - and suddenly realised I was dreaming. How wonderful! My thoughts turned to flying but try as I might I couldn't get more than a foot off the ground. Still, it was a magical experience, and one that has stayed me ever since.

To me, dreams are very much a part of my real life. And due to the stresses and strains that we all go though these days, my dreams are often the closest I come to the enchantment I experienced as a child. I admit I'm a bit of a 'dreamer', still spending my sleeping hours riding a magic carpet over the twinkling lights of the town below.... and I hope it always stays that way!

Just another ordinary miracle today

This task has made me realise how disenchanted my life is at present. I can find images that inspire me and fill me with awe, and photograhps that suggest enchantment but as for feeling it, it has been a while. It has been a bad week and that is almost certainly colouring this post but I am not in despair, far from it.

I have a secret place where I go, where enchantment lives, a spot in a field where the world wraps itself around me and takes my breath - winter, spring, summer or fall. I haven't been there for a while but clearly need to go and soon.

Enchantment is like synchronicity, the magic happens all around us all the time but in order to see it, feel it and know it we must keep our hearts and minds open. Look for it and it will be there.

TASK: Encountering enchantment

Task: Set by Daisy

A few weeks ago I set a task for my Masters students, and I am going to set you the same one!

Throughout the last century, social scientists and historians have claimed we live in a ‘disenchanted’ world, where rationality, science and modernity have made everything ‘knowable’, predictable and explicable. Put more simply – there is no longer any magic in the world.

But in 2001 Jane Bennett wrote a book called The Enchantment of Modern Life. In it she argues that we do still have ‘moments of enchantment’ in our life, encounters where we experience a fleeting return to childlike excitement and wonder about life and the world around us.

Quite simply, the ability and desire to be ‘in love with the world’.

So I want you to describe such a moment of enchantment that you have experienced. It might be when you were captivated by a glittering pair of shoes in a shop window and you were carried off to a fairytale ballroom, or it might be watching your child engrossed in a task and losing yourself in the wonder of watching this magical little being you brought into the world, or it could be simply kicking the autumn leaves and feeling your heart flip at the simplicity of such joy.

Each of us encounters enchantment differently. And I want to hear your stories.

Winter Wonderland

Michigan, my Michigan, a.k.a. "Winter Wonderland" on slush-covered license plates, is the memory of Christmas my heart won't forget. Some white, some green, some grey, all cold. Those Christmases, now confined to the museum of my memory, live immortal as the hodgepodge of clashing cultures they were. But, for that, they no less instilled the universal festive sentiment of: "Everybody here? Mangia, let's eat!"

Christmas Eve was Noche Buena. Christmas morning was fried matzoh then Mass (Confusing? Don't). Christmas afternoon/evening, more Judeo-Christian free-for-all: communion wafers around the dinner table, followed by challah and turkey. Then Buche de Noel. "Never mind, just mangia!" The number of nationalities present when the extended family gathered was enough to warrant a UN chaperone.

Today, that tradition continues two thousand miles from my Michigan and though the scenery may be more English countryside and less Winter Wonderland, the sentiment is still the same . . . "Eat your bloody sprouts."

Feliz Navidad.